I am not AMUSED by the Shenanigans being proposed

The scene opens to a sign that reads "Big Thrills Amusement Park" which is conveniently placed, in front of... You guessed it, an amusement park. The camera then cuts to a small family buying cotton candy for their young son. The cotton candy kiosk is set up right in front of a roller coaster, which contains the actual focus of this scene. On this roller coaster, sitting in the front two seats are "Zeus" Jack Jones, and his manager, White Goodman. If you couldn't spot them by their unique appearance, they made it even more obvious because they were wearing their normal gear, that of course being Jones' "Zeus" shirt, and Goodman's Sleeveless muscle shirt. The automatic seat belt drops down, and they both pull on it to make sure it's secure. After a few seconds an employee of the park pulls down a lever, and the grinding of gears can be heard as the roller coaster moves up very slowly. It is at this point that Jones first addresses the camera.

JACK JONES
Oh, hi there. Jack Jones here, god of the gods, how are you doing?

He chuckles to himself for a moment before continuing to speak.

JACK JONES
I know you're all wondering, "Jack, why are you at an amusement park?" Well there's a good metaphor for this, but I'll explain that later, right now I'd rather tell you where I've been. You see, two weeks ago, on this very program, I suffered my first defeat at the hands of a washed up has been that goes by the name of Raven. This loss eliminated me from any contention for the MWA World Championship, and effectively ended my undefeated streak...

Of course, Jones had only won one match prior to this event, but it was unclear as to whether or not he even noticed that.

JACK JONES
It did NOT however, take me off of the card for Execution... No, I was offered a spot at that show, but I turned them down. And do you know why? It was because I have self respect, and discipline... Sure, most of the other guys in the back would've let that loss just fly by, but not me. No, I took that loss personally, and I knew I had to do something about it. So during that week I thought of everything. Hell, I even went as far as to think that Whitey over here was holding me back.

He points over at Goodman, who just nods his head and gives a blank stare.

JACK JONES
But that's just ridiculous. This loss was no one's fault but my own. I lost because I wasn't as well rounded as I thought I was. Sure, I was always WAY more talented than anyone else back there, but there was one thing I lacked. Aggression... So when I go out there this week, and for many weeks to come, you're going to see a much more aggressive Jack Jones. One who has his eye on the prize, and won't let it slip away again. And you can put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Other than the last sentence killing all of the relevance from the speech Jones had put together, that all sounded good. If two things were now relevant, it was that Jones was going to be more aggressive, and that this roller coaster is moving slow as shit. Jones continues to talk.

JACK JONES
And now onto why I'm on this roller coaster...

The coaster now finally reaches its primary ascent. I imagine all the other passengers are quite unpleased with Jones' constant talking, but it seemed as though they'd have to deal with it.

JACK JONES
As you can see, this roller coaster is now on the rise, much like my career... See, I told you this would be clever. The coaster is going up slow, but steady, and pretty soon, it'll be at the peak of it's "career..."

I don't believe in magic, but there was something special about Jack Jones. Maybe he could tell the future, or hell, maybe he truly WAS Zeus. I don't know, but I DO know, that that roller coaster, did indeed make it to the peak of that track just moments later... Unfortunately for him, that's when this whole promo went DOWNHILL.

JACK JONES
We've made it to the top, such as I will be doing in the next fe...

A look of terror develops on Jones' face as the coaster begins to DEscend. He is, for once, speechless as they speed down the track. The only sound heard out of him is a quite feminine shriek, but even that ceases to exist after a few moments. The entire ride goes by, and Jones keeps a very uncomfortable look on his face. They finally come to a stop, and everybody exits the coaster with a smile on his face. Everybody except for, Jack Jones. Instead, he runs straight for the garbage can, and leans over it, to throw up excessively. Goodman comes over and pats him on the back.

-- White Goodman --
It's alright bud. It still looked cool.

Jones throws up for a few more seconds before he can put together a proper response.

JACK JONES
Really? Was the part about me being on the rise cool?

Goodman pauses for a second, with a rather comical look on his face. He then tries to comfort Jones.

-- White Goodman --
Yeah... Except for the part where, right after you got to the top you came crashing down... But we can work on that!

Jones throws up one more time, and then finally gets away from the trashcan, still with the typical nauseous look on his face. He looks over at Goodman, most likely to say something, but before he can he is cut off by.....

TBC by - YOU KNOW WHO YOUR ARE

Christian is sitting on some bricks surrounding a planter with Matt and Chris Jericho as the three of them are looking at a map of the amusement park. The three of them begin to fight over it and nudge each other. Christian swats their arms away as he stands up with the map.

Christian
Okay, obviously this isn't helping us at all.


Christian crumbles the map into a ball and tosses it underhanded to one of the guys.

Christian
I'm going to get a caramel apple. You guys sit here until you figure out where we parked our car.


Christian heads over to the caramel apple stand. He grabs the caramel apple from the vendor and tosses him some cash without counting it. He begins to walk back towards the other guys where he hears a loud girly shriek. Christian makes a one eighty and heads towards the scream with apple in hand.

Christian arrives at the base of the coaster by the exit, he begins searching around looking for the damsel in distress, he looks towards the exit and sees a man standing next to another man who is bent over a trash can.

Christian
Excuse me sir what hap-


Christian stops talking as the man stands up and faces him. Instead of finishing his sentence, Christian starts to laugh. Still laughing Christian walks closer to them. He slaps Jack Jones on the back in a playful way.

Christian
Well hey there Jackie. I'm glad to know that you, the Damsel in Distress, is safe. What are you doing on this coaster anyways?


Jack Jones
Well I was explaining to the folks at home why this coaster is a metaphor for my career. As you can see, this roller coaster goes on the rise, much like my career... Yah, clever I know. You don't have to tell me. The coaster is going up slow, but steady, and pretty soon, it'll be at the peak of it's "career..."


Christian
This coaster is not a metaphor for your career. Well maybe on Mount Olympus in Fantasy Land...Zeus. Now a good metaphor for your career, is...


Christian looks around him while thinking.

Christian
Haza! I got it.


Christian snaps his head back towards Jack Jones

Christian
You are just like that Merry-Go-Round.


Christian says while pointing at a Merry-Go-Round in the distance.

Christian
You are like that Merry-Go-Round for quite a few reasons. One, your career is never on the rise, it's a flatline, just going round and round in circles with no rise, change, or any promise what so ever.


Christian makes a circular motion with his arm. He stops and goes to his next point.

Christian
Two, it's lame and most adults don't like it. For the most part it's only attracted to small children.


Christian smirks as he takes a bite of his caramel apple.

Christian
Three...it's gay.


Christian takes a breath as he keeps smiling.

Christian
Four, it's simple. And I mean really simple, I bet a chimpanzee designed it. Like you there is nothing going on besides what you see on the outside, which isn't much either. Just like you there is no complexity at all. Simple minds simple pleasures Jack.


Christian
And finally. I bet you didn't even notice the Merry-Go-Round. You know why? Because it's blocked by this huge popular roller coaster. It just sits in the shadow all day hoping and praying somebody will go for a rise. But guess what? Nobody does. And that's exactly what you are. Sure you have some good qualities...And I use the words some loosely. When it comes down to it, you are just sitting in the shadows of the roller coaster, and in the case of MWA, you are sitting in the shadows of people like me, and more recently, Raven who destroyed you two weeks ago.


Christian takes another bite of his caramel apple. He tilts it towards Jack Jones offering him a bite.

TBC: B00Bz

Jones looks over at Christian with a curious look on his face, and then proceeds to talk.

JACK JONES
You know, I should be mad at you, but... I'm not.

Christian holds the apple out even closer to Jones, who puts his hands in front of his face, as if in self defense.

JACK JONES
No thanks. I don't know if you just noticed, but I recently threw up...

Christian tries to hold back his laughter, but that is damn near impossible due to the fact that just about everyone in the park saw Jones' little episode. He obeys his wishes however, and takes another bite of the apple for himself.

JACK JONES
Anyway, listen here pal. I like your attitude. What you just did there, well honestly, it ALMOST made ME look like a fool. And believe me, if you can do that to me, you can do that to anybody, isn't that right Whitey?

The camera looks at Goodman, who appears to be picking a flower. He turns around surprised to hear his name, and nods in agreement. Jones smiles and points at him.

JACK JONES
See... He knows.

They both nod back and forth at each other as Christian stares awkwardly from a distance. He clears his throat, and catches Jones' attention.

JACK JONES
So yeah, like I was saying there's something about you that I really like. But what is it? Your speech? No, that's not quite it... Its the way you carry yourself. It's your, your... Your swagger, your...

Christian cuts him off.

Christian
Charisma?

Jones is stopped dead in his tracks, and then a grin develops on his face as he points at Christian.

JACK JONES
Yeah, that's it, your charisma... You've got loads of it, you're like... Chairman of Charisma. Like, Colonel Charisma... Like...

Christian cuts him off again.

Christian
CAPTAIN... Charisma?

Jones has the exact same reaction.

JACK JONES
Yeah, exactly! You're like, captain charisma, it's amazing!

There is a moment of silence as the stupidity of Jones' comment passes by.

JACK JONES
Listen, I could use a guy like you. What are you up to these days, you know, in the ring?

TBC by - Colonel Swagger

Christian
Well I am winning this Legends Title Tournament thing...but that's not a big deal I'm going to win it with ease. Apart from that I got nothing else going on.


They both stand there in silence for a moment. Christian twirls the caramel apple in his hand. He brings it up to his face and stares at it. After a few moments he snaps out of it and takes a bite. He looks back at Jack Jones and begins talking again with his mouth full..

Christian
But I know the point you are getting to.... And you are right.... You would be honored to have me join your little crusade... We would make an excellent team


Christian swallows that bite and goes for another. But before he can Matt and Chris Jericho run up behind him waiving the car keys in the air expressing they have found the lost car. Christian stands next to Jack Jones and puts his arm on his shoulder.

Christian
You know Zeus...this will be the start of a beautiful friendship. Here...enjoy the rest of the caramel apple.


Christian puts the half eaten caramel apple in Jack's hand as he jumps in front of him.

Christian
Now if you'll excuse me. (Mimicking a complete surfer dude voice) I'm off to a total rager teeko braham!


Christian runs towards the car where Matt and Chris Jericho are as they speed off into the sunset leaving Jack Jones with a half eaten caramel apple. The camera zooms into the caramel apple which has the caramel part melting off. The caramel from the caramel apple slowly oozes onto Jack Jones's hands. The caramel from the caramel apple slowly melts into a liquidy caramelly substance that doesn't look at all like the caramel from a caramel apple as the camera pans up away from the caramel from the caramel apple that is now the caramel on Jack Jones' disgusting caramel covered hand, and past his face and to the sky as it fades out.

END BITCH